I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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