I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
