hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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