Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
