Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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