i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
