3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
