I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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