currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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