he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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