I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Small penises have feelings too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
