The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
