Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
