I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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