Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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