i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
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He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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