yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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