its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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