I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
