Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
