So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
