you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
