sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
