if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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