Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
