What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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