We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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