i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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