so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
