hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
