It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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