Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
