suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
