i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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