I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
