We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
