my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
