i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
