my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
