Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Everything about him screamed your future.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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