I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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