oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
