I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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