I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
