There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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