Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
