I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
