Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Congratulations! We have a period
There are leaves in my underwear?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
