Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
