i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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