It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
