Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
