i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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