it was like eating out sand paper
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
