Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
