it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
