Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
