Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
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just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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