My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
