SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
