i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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