I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
