wakey wakey hands off snakey
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
