he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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