I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
