God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
