Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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