I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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