I can text with my tongue
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
