I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My bed smells like the plague
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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