i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
