His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have feelings that need drinking.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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