My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What drink are we having for lunch?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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