i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
