at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
