i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i drank out of a bidet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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