fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
