Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
