I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
